These are a few of my favorite words....

Love:

The most spectacular,indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone.

Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you're in love, you always want to be together, and when you're not, you're thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete.

This love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions: completely loving someone. It's when you trust the other with your life and when you would do anything for each other. When you love someone you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes because that's how much you care about them and because their needs come before your own. You hide nothing of yourself and can tell the other anything because you know they accept you just the way you are and vice versa.

It's when they're the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they're the first thing you think of when you wake up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you overcome by a feeling of serenity. Love involves wanting to show your affection and/or devotion to each other. It's the smile on your face you get when you're thinking about them and miss them.

Love can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end. Love is intense,and passionate. Everything seems brighter, happier and more wonderful when you're in love. If you find it, don't let it go.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:

That word is love.

-Sophocles

Or as defined by my favorite online dictionary, Urban Dictionary:

nature's way of tricking people into reproducing

Here are some more great words to add to your vocabulary today!

Buddy whoring: People who randomly collect "friends" on Facebook or other social sites in which they have no idea who the hell they are.

Jay is buddy whoring again. He has requested all of my friends that he doesn't even know!

Farting at a fan: 1) Harming one's self, usually unintentionally or without knowledge of doing so. 2) Similar to saying "you are only hurting yourself." 3) Similar to phrase "shooting yourself in the foot."

Fred: "I got really annoyed at work today, so I told my boss to shut up."
Andy: "That's just farting at a fan, man."

Manolescent: noun: A man of any age that shirks adult responsibilities.

***We all know one, no examples will be posted as not to offend the offending manolescents.

  

Mind Over Bladder: The power to be able to suppress any urination needs regardless of the urgency and pain it may cause. ***nurses do this a lot!!!***

Joe: Dude! Stop the car! I REALLY need to take a piss right now!!
Pete: No can do, man! Just use your mind over bladder!

Floss d'oevres: The food remnants that are collected by flossing which for the most part are covertly re-eaten by the owner since spitting them across the room would be regarded as tacky and vulgar.

John: Did you just eat the crap you pulled from your teeth with that flossing stick Fab??
Fab: And why not?? No reason to waste a good floss d'oeuvres boy

***We all have a Fab we try to avoid while eating!

Regret ceiling: (noun) - The point at which one stops feeling remorseful regarding a thought, comment or action.

I hit the regret ceiling last night regarding my comment toward Jody's weight several weeks ago. Her fat ass just needs to get over it.

AND MY FAVORITE:

SECOND HANDER: Someone who gets their ideas, opinions and values exclusively form society and from others as opposed to getting: an idea from within oneself; a value from a personal rational process; an opinion from an experience.

***aka Headline Spouter; I know a lot of these un-original people that cannot think for themselves, express themselves as original, and try to look smart. I got your number and you know who you are!

Hello again, hello....

Sorry for the brief hiatus....work seems to be getting in the way with my blogging. Throw the family in and I can't get anything written. So....today shall be a day of multiple posts....or at least this one!

It's been a busy work week full of inspiration of the gifting kind. Not that I'm not busy at work or anything like that, I just seem to stumble across things randomly. And here are a few of the "random" findings I think could possibly make fantastic Secret Santa gifts if you are participating at work!!

Our first wonderful gift idea was generated by my friend Caz. He has two favorite words, one being priapism (you can look that up) and the other bezoar! (Just an FYI: one of mine is piloerection!)

BEZOAR:

 A clump or wad of swallowed food and/or hair. Bezoars can sometimes be found to cause blockage of the digestive system, especially at the exit of the stomach.

When a bezoar is composed of hair, it is referred to as a hairball or trichobezoar. When a bezoar is composed of vegetable materials, it is referred to as a phytobezoar or foodball. When a bezoar is composed of hair and food it is referred to as a trichophytobezoar or hairy foodball.

Pretty disgusting, huh? Well....what is really cool is when these things get old inside certain animals, they can become coated and end up looking like rocks! Caz is such a great friend, I told him that I would get him one for Christmas....all the while thinking, "If anything, they would be on EBay, but who the hell would want to sell anything like that?" Well....apparently lots of people want to sell bezoars and petrified mermaids and lions and tigers and bears, oh my!!

It's a llama bezoar....
Country of Origin: Plurinational State of Bolivia.
Size (maximum by minimum): 0.96 cm. by 0.80 cm.
Color: As in photos.
Shape: A tight polyhedron cluster of lage-sized balls.
Physical Appearance: A solid black cluster of blistered, matt, intact balls. This is a really beautiful specimen.
$60.00
Let's just say that the last thing I want to display in my house is a cluster of blistered, matt, intact balls....

Betcha can't guess what this is?? No, really, you will NEVER guess....

Elephant Semen Pearl

These are rare Elephant semen pearls and could be a fossilised form of the semen, nevertheless, they are indeed a valuable occultist tool. Most Indonesian shamans use these for empowering love potions. They can be kept in pure aromatic oils to transfer energy from the pearl into the oils, this oil can then be worn on the user to increase their personal magnetism which will give the user a strong magnetic force for attracting the opposite sex.

If used in the creation of Love potions we recommend further empowering these with a specific mantra to increase the power of your potions. These types of pearls are good for Attraction/Enchanting powers for attracting the opposite sex, attracting ones soul mate and attracting those one desires.

 Yours for only $2084.57....all I'm saying is that if a guy drops this in his front pocket, it's sure to attract a few glances!! "Is that elephant semen in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"

I know you think this is crazy, but it really is a mermaid fossil. Seriously, it is. See the tail??

 It has the following  Magical Virtues:

Powers of Attraction/Enchantment, Youth & Beauty, Powers of influence, Occult/Magickal Powers, Healing, Longevity & Regeneration, Personal Magnetism, Charismatic Presence, Attracts Love, Attracts Luck, Business Success, Improves Social Standings, Wards of Psychic Attacks and Black Magick.

My only question is if it really works on psychics? I mean, really, wouldn't a psychic know if I had a mermaid....duh, they are psychic. And why attack me if I have said mermaid??? Yours for only $3207.02. (Yes, people spend money on this crap!)

Oh, yes I did!! That's right....a real dragon....I shit you not!! Check this description out!!

Complete Crystal Dragon Fossil: This one is extremely large, heavy and defined. It is a complete form of the ancient dragon from head to tail. Key features of the face, such as the eyes, horns and mouth are clearly visible.

Words cannot express the beauty of this object, and therefore we strongly recommend that serious buyers visit us directly for this one. Although we can ship this large fossil, a transaction this large requires personal viewing. We suggest interested parties to submit these pictures to independent psychics for your own personal verification.

Serious buyers can negotiate with us directly, if the price is acceptable we will release this one of a kind to the lucky individual. We have set the first offer price at

This is 100% crystal fossil of ancient dragon!

Um, yep....there was no price, it's priceless!! Priceless!! And, yes, I will be verifying it with my own psychic before I spend $192,421.46!

Oh, those kids!

I'm a night worker with a bad sleeping pattern. I was finally sleeping.

My kids just jarred me awake by slamming the door and screaming, "I'M HOME!!" Writing cannot convey the bone jarring slam, nor the headache inducing scream at 8000 decibles.

They ruined it. For you. Those jerks. I was going to wake up and write something fun for Friday.

Not now. I'll just leave you with this.

What's red and hurts your face?

A brick.

What's brown and hurts your face?

Another brick.

Misinterpretations 2.0--Song Lyrics or How I Can Ruin Pretty Much Any Song for You If You Read This Post

Instead of elaborating much, I'll just give you the song, you sing along:

For my friend Aynat....when her little sister used to sing "Eat Beaver Walnuts" to this one!

And for Ynnek...."She Just Broke Wind"

 

For EimaJ...."Hold Me Closer Tony Danza!"

"Take your pants off....and make it happen....you can come and fly and your dancing with my wife"

 

"Bacon Carrot Biscuits"

 

"Wrapped up like a douche, another boner in the night"

"My anus is the center hole, my anus is the center hole"

"Shake it like a polar bear ninja"

I can go on....and on....and on.....

Got a song someone ruined for you....post it in the comments section!!

Misinterpretations 1.0--Drugs

Next....this post is all about saying the wrong thing. If you all don't know, I'm a nurse. A "Nauti Nurse" for that matter. (mental note: blog about funny boat names) All "us nurses" love to find humor in our jobs and one of those things is when our patients ask for drugs. There are so many ways that they do it too....

You've got the person that has been on every single narcotic possible and you know damn well that they know damn well exactly what they want and when they can have it. They "just happen" to push the call light when the next available dose is about three minutes away from being available. They set their alarms. They watch the clock. They can be sound asleep and snoring through a tonado and next minute their pain is a 10/10 on the pain scale. It's okay, though. You see, I have a chart and I write notes to doctors. So we know what's up dude....we know!!

Then you have the person that you really want to give something to, but you can't because it would be unethical. Sometimes I think, "Please, just ask for something!!!" Not just pain meds, but sleepers, anxiety meds, suppositiories even....ugh!!!

Then you have my favorite drug requstor....the one that just can't get the pronunciation right. I love those people. My favorite drug is "Dilautin" aka Dilaudid and not to be confused with Dilantin. They are asking for the pain med, not the seizure control drug. Then we have "Avitan" aka Ativan. Narcan for Norco....which is kind of funny if you are a nurse!! I also love giving out "Vicotin" aka Vicodin. Ampeen for Ambien....I have no idea where that one came from!!

http://www.ismp.org/tools/confuseddrugnames.pdf

Well....apparently this is a very common thing and the Institute for Safe Medical Practice actually has a list of drugs and what they are confused for. I have to laugh at some of the things on the list....of course I went straight to Viagra....common mistak is Allegra???  Roxinol for Roxicet...which reminds me of Roxette.....

THIS BLOG IS BLOWIN' UP!!!

Oh. Em. Gee!! I have doubled my membership wish! THIRTEEN subscribers!!! So busy over here in Blogland, things are coming at me left and right. I was even quoted on another person's blog. This is CRAZEE!!

Anyway....I'd like to make a huge announcement. I've recruited a Director of Marketing, Assilem....aka Assim....aka...my biggest fan!! AND my husband married her. Yes, he married her! How cool is that??? See the pic below....that's her, in the dress. The other guys are her husband and my husband.



p.s. Assim....you better do your damn job....this isn't a joke!! I expect numbers....numbers baby!! And quality. I want the best readers, the best commenters, the best and only the best!!

THIS ONE'S GONNA HURT

This isn't going to be funny. This isn't going to be anything you expect. This is the one where you see my serious side. It is about Penn State, it is about Joe Pa and it is about abuse. Feel free to skip this one if you want, but I really hope you take some time to read.

My morning started out as usual today. I woke up to the sounds of the TV on downstairs from my bedroom. I went in and woke up the kids and went downstairs to catch my usual two minutes of my husband working out and watching ESPN. Just like yesterday, coverage of the Penn State scandal was on. My stomach immediately clenched up and I had to walk away.

I couldn't listen. My heart ached for a man that I had admired since my friend Jeff (no need to use pseudos in this post) wore a Nittany Lions sweatshirt to school in 7th grade. I thought Jeff was cool because he really loved PSU and Joe Pa. My heart ached for a man that dedicated his life to a school for 60+ years. A man that was a legend, a man that *WAS* Penn State. A man that would die for and probably will, now, for his school.

Then I got pissed. How DARE he. How DARE he fool us all. How dare he protect a rapist. How dare he let boys be taken advantage of. HOW DARE HE????

I will not read the grand jury findings. I cannot do it. I think of my children, your children, our children and CANNOT FATHOM that the sport of football was worth more than the innocence of a child. A stupid game. People....where and when did this game, a game, become so much more than the life of a child. An innocent child that could be yours or mine?

I can't imagine the excitement of being able to go into a locker room with an actual coach. Imagine the light shining in this boys' eyes? "I am going into the locker room....with a coach." He was going to be a hero at school. He was going to show off his autograph. He was going to talk about how he touched the jersey of an actual player. It was going to be the greatest day ever. Imagine that.

And now we know. We know how things went down. You all can read the details, I'm not going to.

Back to being downstairs....I asked my husband why he was watching. And he said something interesting, "Because I find this all interesting." Interesting? Wha....how....I'm floored. I immediately demanded a response. He said that this could be the biggest sports story in years, decades. And that's when I lost my shit.

I was crying. Literally crying. A person's life was reduced to "interesting." It hit me like a freight train. And then I realized something. It was okay for him to find this interesting. It's okay. Because if you find something interesting, you are learning. And once I realized that about him, I realized something about myself.

You see, when you are passionate about something, you want to talk. You want to talk and you want to learn. You want to find out everything you can about a situation and you want to talk and listen and feel. I want to put myself in the place of every administrator on campus. I want to put myself in the place of every student on campus. I want to put myself in the place of that kid, now man. I want to sympathize, empathize, whatever it is.

But I can't.

And that's where it hurts. Because I can't say to any of these people, "It's not okay that this happened. It is okay for you to have the feelings that you do about any and all of this situation." I have to sit back and let this all play out. For myself, for the world. And it's going to continue to hurt. But not as bad as it hurts the people more involved than me.

I'm not writing this today to say anything of any significance. I'm not writing to make a difference. I'm writing because I know that no matter what happens in the world around me, I've found something that has really touched me. See, after this all happened this morning, I was thinking about kids that are abused. I started doing a little research on something that I am actually involved in raising money for. It isn't even in my town, but in what I consider my "home town."

In Bay City, Michigan, there is a special place for abused kids. The Nathan Weidner Child Advocacy Center. I had put it in the back of my mind. And now all I can think about is bringing attention to it. Nathan's brother, Matt is one of my best friends in the world. The Weidner family is our family. The Advocacy Center was a project that my husband and I saw grow from Nate's dad's idea, to a brick and mortar building. This place is a place that is a safe place to go for a kid. What astonished me was the fact that the Center services over 200 children per year. People, these are REPORTED cases....

I know the holidays are coming and that some of you like to make donations to worthy causes. I ask that in the light of all that is happening in our world, please find a special place in your heart to do something for our kids. Find something locally and give. It doesn't have to be money, it can be a toy, a meal, and my personal favorite, time. Spend some time with a kid and get to know him/her.

Maybe our boy at Penn State didn't have the chance to talk to someone that could have changed his life for the better?

p.s. If you are interested in making a donation to the Nathan Weidner Foundation, here's the address:

The Nathan Weidner Foundation

1392 South Valley Center Drive

Bay City, MI    48706

WHY PARENTS DRINK

Why I HATE Shopping

Shopping sucks. I don't care if it's for me, my kids, grocery shopping or shopping for a car. It SUCKS! There's always that anticipation of, "Oh, this could be the day I send a crapload of money and come out looking like a million bucks." Then the reality hits....I'm going to spend a crapload of money, buy a few things, regret my purchases and have to deal with the morons that piss me off the whole time.

So....I start out with The Gap. I've lost a bit of weight so the jeans that I have that are practically three sizes too big need to be replaced. I try on the jeans the lady suggests. My FIRST EVER pair of skinny jeans and I look FABULOUS!! (Said in my best Dad from the Family Guy voice) I don't EVEN look back, head to the counter and that's where I receive my first whammy! Let's just say, for the price I've paid for these jeans, I better be mistaken for Kim Kardashian from behind.

Next, it's on to Vic's. Time to replace the over the shoulder boulder holders. The good news...I'm wearing a smaller size!! Yay for smaller gigantic boobs!! I'm able to wear one of them there sechsy brazzieres....so I throw two in the bag, grab some cute drawers and head to the register. There I see the cashier who says to me, "Wow!! You look great now!!" I do the DeNiro look around....is she talking to me?? We "make eye contact" (mental note: Send note to Vic's girl on Lost Connections) and she says to me, "Isn't that the most comfortable bra ever?" I know I got this look on my face like WTH...."Um, not really." To which she replies, "Oh, okay." And goes ahead bundling up my dainties. I pay, say thanks and then ask, "What were you talking about just a second ago?" She says, "The new bra you have on, you look great, lifted, you know?" All the while her cute blonde bubbly hair bouncing and her glitter eyeliner sparkling. I shake my head and walk out....wearing the exact damn bra I had on when I WALKED IN THE STORE!!! Ladies....DO NOT LET YOU MAN FALL FOR THE VIC'S SALES TACTICS!!!

Onto a few other stores where I start to sweat in places I don't even what to name, but you can figure out for yourselves. And not only am I sweating, but the sweater I have on is part wool and I'm starting to itch....

Get into the car and go to Kroger....turn into the parking lot where I almost rear end some obese, Whopper eating, foo-foo coffee drinking, van driving moron. (Thanks for the vent.) Anyway, this is where I need to interject the story and officially say that I am patenting the name "Jack Ass Parker" or JAP. So, now being called a JAP is not politically incorrect! Yay for being politically correct!!Anyway, I'm right behind this woman, watching her eat and slurp down about 2000 calories in one meal. I actually sat there long enough to watch her eat because I honestly was stuck. I couldn't move, she had to eat, what was I to do? The creepy thing was that the whole time I was behind her, she was watching me. (mental note: send note to JAP on Lost Connections....or not) So you know that you are blocking someone by pure laziness and you WATCH? I finally get around her and you know what that JAP does, starts up her damn van and drives out of the parking lot? I guess when you want to have a great lunch, you eat in the fire lane of Kroger!! Yay for lunches in the fire lane!! Then I went in and bought cooking oil and cupcakes....which I ate and drank in the fire lane of Kroger....BEST. LUNCH. EVER.

Then there comes the exit of the Kroger parking lot. I saw a murdered out Saturn Vue. Really? Why, yes. (Mom, this means it's tricked out!) ((My mom is cool....she has a tricked out Honda!)) Anyway....I just Google'd "Murdered Out Saturn Vue" and got no hits, so I should be impressed that this may just be the only one in existence, right? Well....I'm not impressed. I used to drive a Vue too. And, really, they aren't cool cars, they are PRACTICAL station wagons! (Owners: check your registration, they are indeed station wagons!) I don't get it....really I don't. The amount of money you spent doing that to your car, you could have EASILY bought, say, a really cool car, kept it clean and maybe put a tree air freshener in it and looked better than you do now.

<five minute time out to find a picture of a Vue>

My apologies to any Vue owners, apparently they ARE cool. Ludacris owns this one with a amped up sound system so that the approximately 12 square feet of space inside can be REALLY LOUD!!



Then there's this beaut....876 hits on superstreetonline.com for Tek's 2006 Vue....and there is something about the angled shot that just makes this car soooooo sechsy!!








Apparently when you "bling out" your Vue, it's really cool to keep your coin collection in the back too!

Missed Connections....So Much Love

One of my favorite things to do online is peruse the 'Missed Connections' link on Craigslist.org. (Make sure you go to dot org, not dot com....unless you want to see naked people performing sexual acts.) This funny little link has men and women looking for random people they've spotted around town. You can find men looking for women, women looking for men, men for men, women for women, etc.
I started reading the 'Missed Connections' after I heard a local radio station present some real winners on air. Then a friend, Ydnarb, said that she read them too....so we would read them at work. They get really good during holidays, when traffic increases, thus presenting higher odds of making that (Missed) connection.
Anyway....I thought I'd post a few....just in case you happen to be in the area and this may just be you.

Missing you - m4w - 47 (Eastside)

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Date: 2011-11-08, 1:28AM EST
Reply to:

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I know you don't go on craigslist and will probably never see this, but I had to say how I feel. I know I screwed things up and I let my foolish pride get in the way. I'm sorry for the things I said and did. I'm sorry I don't have my license or my own vehcle and I don't have as much ambition as you. I know I'm not perfect and I know there are things I need to work on. I also know that we will never be, but I also know I miss you and love you and always will. You said I still owe you a huge apology well here it is. If you see this you know who you are and who I am. I love you hun.

Hmmmm....where to start. This guy, wow, he has mad pride. No job, no vehicle and no ambition. That takes a lot of pride to admit that. The one thing he has is LOVE. And all you need is love, right? I hope this guy gets the girl....I really do, otherwise he may not get anywhere in life....literally!

 

 

 

i didnt get your name - m4w

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Date: 2011-11-02, 11:26PM EDT
Reply to:

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Well iam looking for a girl that i seen in a store on ceder st. In lansing we made eye contact alot and i dont no if u felt like there was anything there if u read this tell me what i was wereing and ill tell u something about u and also what store were we in i hope u read this hope to here from u soon

Again....where to start. First....runonsentencemuch???? Second....Honey, Cedar Street is how many MILES long? And there are lots and lots of stores. I guess what makes this post special is that they made eye contact? WOW!! AMAZEBALLS!! That narrows it down to like, what, a few thousand people in a few hundred stores on a few mile long road. Odds are good for you, buddy!! I also love the "what i was wereing...." Shall I go on???

South Lansing KFC - m4m - 22 (Cedar/American Rd)

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Date: 2011-11-01, 1:52PM EDT
Reply to:

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I feel weird posting here, but figured it was worth a shot. You work at the KFC on the corner of Cedar and American. You're very cute. Every time I come through the drive through, we always share a lot of eye contact and smiles (more than usual). You seem like a nice guy, and are really cute, so if you happen to see this, let me know what kind of car I drive or what I order (same thing every time).

Apparently you make eye contact and it's lurve!!! Or maybe it's the KFC big bowl of fat topped with bacon that's getting everyone fired up??

Little Girls Pointing & Laughing - m4w - 22

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Date: 2011-10-29, 5:22PM EDT
Reply to:

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Perplexed, confused, tormented, unable to let go. I can shake any drug or negative comment, but not you. Why for f***s sake? How can there be so much power and crazy desire on one end and absolute zero at the other? How does this happen? Party Party Party but where do the kids go from here? Is there more or is it all just about F******? The forward and backward motions, is that it? Maybe its the novelty but what about passion? Gone I guess..Made cliche by the "cool" people...It seems that if a couple don't fit perfectly right away these days then no one even wants to try anymore. Wandering in a field of razor wire with devastation and empty souls shoveling nothingness all over themselves. Crying, screaming, clawing in the depths of desperation. I too am here, but for how long?

It still exists, but its hurting and fading, praying to be experienced and revived........in vain & alone ever since..........

WOW....I'm depressed now. And why is the end of the escape scene in "Shawshank" the visual I get here?

 

 

white girl in booty-shorts at the EXXON playing KENO - m4w - 22 (Cobb Pkwy/accross walmart)

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Date: 2011-11-08, 10:52PM EST
Reply to:

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hey girl you came in while I was playing KENO yesterday evenings at the EXXON gas station and you wear wearing small/tight booty-shorts and your sexy ass EDIT! i wanted to talk to you but i was just stunned by your hotness and thn i had to leave and you left soon before me..! i smelled some alcohol on youu while you were playing KENO next to me....you were HOTT and i would like to $how you a good time ;) email me ASAP!

im 6'1 150lbs/American-Asian

It was around 8:45-9:00pm (Nov 7th).... email me NOW!!!

Damn, I can't go anywhere anymore.....

BEAT THIS CAPTION

"Seriously, Bob....every time I say something I hear an echo!"

Of Holiday Lists

I absolutely loathe lists of any kind.

#1 Christmas lists. Really....do we actually have no creativity or spontaneity any more to actually put thought into a gift and fit something to that person's personality. I understand it's "easier" that way. But, really, do you think Jesus had a wish-list for his birthday? Uh, noooooo...so why in the world do we honor Him by making lists? It's supposed to be about giving AND receiving graciously. I've gotten some doozies of gifts in my lifetime and I have yet to remember a time when I didn't accept the offending gift and say a heart-felt, "Thanks." Yes, I admit to just trashing some things, shoving them to the back of the closet or even regifting. And that's okay.

Anyway....

I really love the following things....and if you are looking to give or receive any of the following, just let me know and I will contact your loved one and have them put it on your list!

I am hoping to receive this painting of ET that my Aunt Enwad presented to Yarllah Notnilc a few years back. I realize that it may be a toughie, but, it's on the list!!

 I'm hoping to find this to hang in my daughter's room. It's not somthing that you find every day, quite unique and something to soothe the little one to sleep at night.

 Yay for salt and pepper!! Gives new meaning to shake your ta-tas!!

 For all of my smoking friends, this will be your gift this year. Don't worry, your smokes will be safe because you will also get a rain cape in your stocking! (see below)

You absolutely need stocking stuffers and this is the greatest one ever. It's kind of like the Harry Potter Invisibility Cape/KKK hood, but in reverse. Funny it doesn't have any holes for breathing....mental note, save this one for that annoying person at.....

I'm really hoping to receive this as a gift. And at $2.00 it's a steal. Somewhere in here there's a joke about a blow job!

WOW!! Imagine this package!! (Minds out of the gutter, I'm talking about the actual package wrapped with a bow....) There will be a certain male receiving this. From me. This year. Not one to ruin a surprise, I won't give away any more details!!

Yeah, that's right, 35 cents!! Taking requests for ponchos for all my friends!! Martha Stewart....you are so such a copy cat!!

Okay....IF you get this for me <<super hint>>....I absolutely need the scrunchy AND the glasses. The pink sweater is just a bonus. I'm just sayin'....I can totally see myself in this picture!! Pretty, pretty please!!

There are a few more things I am planning on posting over the next few weeks....surprises for you and me!!

Do you have anything on your "list?" If so, send me a link and I'll feature YOU on my blog!!

Lucky You!

Congratulations! You've found my blog....the one you've been waiting for! The one that keeps it real, can be offensive at times and should be pretty funny! I really wanted to name this "Delightfully Tacky, Yet Unrefined," but that saying was taken by a certain chain of wing joints (Hooters) and I didn't want to be associated with girls wearing day-glo orange shirts, shoving their bazoombas in your face and hula-hooping. Okay, hula-hooping is cool....the other stuff really isn't.

Anyway....I thought of writing a blog for a really long time, but I really didn't know how to approach writing and capturing the "real me" in my posts. After much thought and reflection (every good author reflects, right), I decided, "Screw it! I really don't care what people think, I'll write how and what I want."

So, here it is, no holds barred. I may be posting a few "racy" pics on occasion. (Sorry my male followers, they won't be of me!) So, perhaps this blog may not NSFW....Mom, that means, "Not Safe For Work." I will also promise to keep it as real as possible. I will protect the identities of those guilty with my awesome ability to find alternate names for people. (Note, change my own name.) I have decided to use a special "code" of sorts. Some of you may be able to crack it, others of you will be too dumb to figure it out. Mom, Dad and Hannah....you are screwed!

I welcome any suggestions to my blog. I have no idea what I will be writing about from day to day, so please, throw me some ideas....I would love to hear from you! I love current events and like to stay away from anything political. I also like dumb jokes and things I can repeat several times to my family to make them laugh.