My morning started out as usual today. I woke up to the sounds of the TV on downstairs from my bedroom. I went in and woke up the kids and went downstairs to catch my usual two minutes of my husband working out and watching ESPN. Just like yesterday, coverage of the Penn State scandal was on. My stomach immediately clenched up and I had to walk away.
I couldn't listen. My heart ached for a man that I had admired since my friend Jeff (no need to use pseudos in this post) wore a Nittany Lions sweatshirt to school in 7th grade. I thought Jeff was cool because he really loved PSU and Joe Pa. My heart ached for a man that dedicated his life to a school for 60+ years. A man that was a legend, a man that *WAS* Penn State. A man that would die for and probably will, now, for his school.
Then I got pissed. How DARE he. How DARE he fool us all. How dare he protect a rapist. How dare he let boys be taken advantage of. HOW DARE HE????
I will not read the grand jury findings. I cannot do it. I think of my children, your children, our children and CANNOT FATHOM that the sport of football was worth more than the innocence of a child. A stupid game. People....where and when did this game, a game, become so much more than the life of a child. An innocent child that could be yours or mine?
I can't imagine the excitement of being able to go into a locker room with an actual coach. Imagine the light shining in this boys' eyes? "I am going into the locker room....with a coach." He was going to be a hero at school. He was going to show off his autograph. He was going to talk about how he touched the jersey of an actual player. It was going to be the greatest day ever. Imagine that.
And now we know. We know how things went down. You all can read the details, I'm not going to.
Back to being downstairs....I asked my husband why he was watching. And he said something interesting, "Because I find this all interesting." Interesting? Wha....how....I'm floored. I immediately demanded a response. He said that this could be the biggest sports story in years, decades. And that's when I lost my shit.
I was crying. Literally crying. A person's life was reduced to "interesting." It hit me like a freight train. And then I realized something. It was okay for him to find this interesting. It's okay. Because if you find something interesting, you are learning. And once I realized that about him, I realized something about myself.
You see, when you are passionate about something, you want to talk. You want to talk and you want to learn. You want to find out everything you can about a situation and you want to talk and listen and feel. I want to put myself in the place of every administrator on campus. I want to put myself in the place of every student on campus. I want to put myself in the place of that kid, now man. I want to sympathize, empathize, whatever it is.
But I can't.
And that's where it hurts. Because I can't say to any of these people, "It's not okay that this happened. It is okay for you to have the feelings that you do about any and all of this situation." I have to sit back and let this all play out. For myself, for the world. And it's going to continue to hurt. But not as bad as it hurts the people more involved than me.
I'm not writing this today to say anything of any significance. I'm not writing to make a difference. I'm writing because I know that no matter what happens in the world around me, I've found something that has really touched me. See, after this all happened this morning, I was thinking about kids that are abused. I started doing a little research on something that I am actually involved in raising money for. It isn't even in my town, but in what I consider my "home town."
In Bay City, Michigan, there is a special place for abused kids. The Nathan Weidner Child Advocacy Center. I had put it in the back of my mind. And now all I can think about is bringing attention to it. Nathan's brother, Matt is one of my best friends in the world. The Weidner family is our family. The Advocacy Center was a project that my husband and I saw grow from Nate's dad's idea, to a brick and mortar building. This place is a place that is a safe place to go for a kid. What astonished me was the fact that the Center services over 200 children per year. People, these are REPORTED cases....
I know the holidays are coming and that some of you like to make donations to worthy causes. I ask that in the light of all that is happening in our world, please find a special place in your heart to do something for our kids. Find something locally and give. It doesn't have to be money, it can be a toy, a meal, and my personal favorite, time. Spend some time with a kid and get to know him/her.
Maybe our boy at Penn State didn't have the chance to talk to someone that could have changed his life for the better?
p.s. If you are interested in making a donation to the Nathan Weidner Foundation, here's the address:
The Nathan Weidner Foundation
1392 South Valley Center Drive
Bay City, MI 48706
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